A Day In The Life Of Sephiroth
by Jessie-V
Summary: What would it be like to spend a day with the mighty sephiroth? Find out for yourself.
1. A Day In The Life Of Sephiroth

In the day of Sephiroth. ---------------------------------------------- Hey everyone, I'm Jessie, otherwise known as rikku chan191 The horrid fanfic writer that always has horrid fanfics that never seem to work.  
  
Sephiroth: I don't think they're thaaaaat bad.just need grammar checkups now a-  
  
Jessie covers Sephiroth's mouth  
  
Jessie: Okay you don't have to say that.now my love I'll let do the disclaimer go on.,  
  
Sephiroth:..First..I'm not your love, second..No.  
  
Jessie: Yes you are now do the Disclaimer.  
  
Sephiroth: No I'm not. And I'm not doing your stupid Disclaimer.  
  
Jessie: YOU WILL! *Growls and hisses at Sephiroth then pounces him with her SHARP..fingernails.*  
  
Sephiroth: OKAY OKAY! Jessie does not own FF7 or any of the characters in it  
  
Jessie: Now come along my little love turkey! Away!  
  
Jessie hops onto sephiroth's back and tries to ride him like a horse  
  
Sephiroth: DAMN YOU GET OFF ME!  
  
Jessie: NO! Ride off turkey or I'll show these!  
  
Jessie holds out a tape of sephiroths bath time with him and a rubber duckie,  
  
Sephiroth: WHERE IN HELL DID YOU GET THOSE!?!  
  
Jessie: That's for me to know and you to find out my love dove. NOW MUSH! Oh yeah, and review what you think of this. Pleeeeeeeaaaaaase no flameing. I hate my hair being burnt.  
  
Sephiroth: By the gods! Someone help me!  
  
Jessie: Every good review means sephiroth gets to live. Every bad review means that sephiroth gets hit by an anvil.  
  
Sephiroth: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Cloud: HA-HA!  
  
Sephiroth: Shut up strife.at least I don't look girly.  
  
Cloud: Yeah you do, Long silver locks of silver haaahahahaa  
  
Sephiroth: Can I kill him?  
  
Jessie: Not yet my puppy. NOW MUSH! And everyone else enjoy the fanfic.  
  
Sephiroth's whimpers can be heard  
  
Jessie: ENJOY! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
4:00,AM:Brush Teeth and think evil plots to kill the FF7 party  
  
4:30,AM: Eat pizza and watch Saturday cartoons.  
  
5:00,AM: Work out to RICHARD SIMMONS dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuun.  
  
5:30,AM: Plot way of getting Tifa to like him  
  
6:00,AM: Eat KFC and plop down on the couch and watches the Simpson's  
  
6:30,AM: Plot ways of killing cloud, and thinks naughty thoughts for the rest of the half hour  
  
7:00,AM: Try to put a move on tifa...get kicked in the face.  
  
7:30,AM: Fix hole in wall from getting thrown at the wall by tifa therefore breaking his fine wall.  
  
8:00,AM Go out shopping while being stalked by yuffie  
  
8:30,AM: Finish shopping and get tackle/glomp/kissed by yuffie 9:00,AM: After prying yuffie off I send her to the insane asylum and walk away eating a happy meal from McDonalds  
  
9:30,AM: After sending Yuffie off to the insane asylum I go get a milkshake and watch a movie  
  
10:00,AM: See cid smoking in a bar so I join him after a couple..dozen beers I walk out and see aeris hanging around..I touch her shoulder and ask "Heeeey...baaaaaby..."  
  
10:30,AM: Nurse staff stab wounds by aeris for trying to kiss her while drunk.  
  
11:00,AM: yawn and think about getting a guard pet.like a duck.or a cheekin...  
  
11:30,AM: Get invited to a party by cait sith at McDonalds at the gold saucer  
  
12:00,PM: shrugs and eats a mighty meal topped off with some chow mein.  
  
12:30,PM: Get cloak and outfit dry cleaned..well a bad guy has to keep his outfit's their blackest.  
  
1:00,PM: Think about how he's going to slaughter aeris and get it on with tifa  
  
1:30,PM: get dry cleaning out and put it back on and spend a while screaming "HOT ZIPPER HOT ZIPPER!"  
  
2:00,PM:Take a shower and sing opera and watch Inu-Yasha in robe  
  
2:30,PM: Get hair slick and ready for the party..AKA: Put a ton-o-grease on your hair and make it all messy..actually he just ties it up in the end.  
  
3:00,PM: Go over to barrets and watch football and eat junk food.  
  
3:30,PM: Go home take a nap Dream about Tifa and killing cloud  
  
4:00,PM: Wake up and get ready all over again for the party  
  
4:30,PM: Walk down to the gold saucer place.. 5:00,PM: Stop to catch breath from walking all the way down from midgar to the gold saucer railroad.  
  
5:30,PM: Take a half our crawling from tired and acheing bones onto the railway and sitting down on the cushion  
  
6:00,PM: Arrives..(FINALY) at the gold saucer.  
  
6:30,PM: Wander around mindlessly then sits down in the spot they told him to meet them at.  
  
7:00,PM: Wait and wait...and wait....and wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait...and so on..  
  
7:01,PM: Everyone comes out of the walls shouting "HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEPHIRTOH!" then I think 'oh god..I knew something was wrong today.I turned 51..(he guesses by his level in FF7 last time anyone saw his level it was 50.)  
  
7:30,PM: Everyone party's then we eat cake pizza and soda I get depressed and sit in a corner until the insane asylum lets yuffie out and she drags me back for presents.and the first one.from yuffie... Hangover pills..Just what a guy needs. Then Tifa gives me some old vintage wine I mutter a thanks and then the next horrid gift I got was Cloud cid and barret singing..."HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOH HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SEPHIROTH AND JENOVA TOO" then I noticed they got drunk earlier. Then the good present from Vincent came..He gave me a 60 pack of beer. I thanked him for the beer and nearly drank it all..  
  
8:00 9:00 & 10:00,PM: I lay on my bed drunk as I see tifa and yuffie and somehow.aeris comes in and then like goddesses start kissing me and feeding me grapes until I try and swat them away.then they tie me down and do naughty and evil stuff to me that I'll regret seeing for the rest of my life. Too bad I didn't have a camera with me..Instant blackmail..  
  
4:00,AM: Wake up with a hangover and see cloud passed out nude on my bed and scream until I actually wake up and see the girls laying on my bed then I go whew..and walk around normally as I would and getting some KFC. Then think.'that was the most horrible birthday I've ever had' then shake my head laughing, ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Jessie: Soooo..what did you think of it? Sephiroth: I hate you.  
  
Jessie: Awww snuggle bunny I'm sure you don't mean that  
  
Jessie huggles closer to sephiroth and says "I WUV YOU!"  
  
Jessie: Anyways make sure to watch next episode Next time I'll be married to this stud!  
  
She pokes at sephiroths 6 pack on his chest  
  
Sephiroth: NUTS TO THIS!  
  
Sephiroth runs away  
  
Jessie: *cries* Sephy wephy! Come back!  
  
Then Vincent comes back out of the ground  
  
Vincent: Why are you crying?  
  
Jessie: Because the love of my l-...Umm I mean I'm just a helpless girl without a family.I just live on the streets getting what I can.  
  
Vincent: what's with the camera men?  
  
Jessie: I don't know they follow me around.  
  
Camera men nod and do an okie dokie hand sign to Jessie  
  
Jessie leaps into Vincent's arms  
  
Vincent: Umm.miss?  
  
Jessie: I've found a new mate! Join us next time as I get married to Vincent here! He doesn't have as good as a 6 pack as sephiroth but he's got a can that wont quit!  
  
Vincent: HELP ME JEBUS!  
  
Vincent drops Jessie and runs  
  
Jessie: HEY COME BACK YOU UNWORTHY LOWLIFE!  
  
Vincent: HAH! Lowlife is my nickname!  
  
Jessie: Can I call you sweetie instead?  
  
Vincent: AAAAAARG JEBUS HELP ME!  
  
Reno from the Turks steps in  
  
Reno: AHEM..since miss Jessie is a bit busy at the moment she would like me to tell you to stay tuned to the next episode where she gets married to Vincent..  
  
Reno falls over laughing out loudly "poor fool ha-ha-ha-ha"  
  
Reno gets back up saying  
  
Reno: AHEM.umm.Yeah anyway-  
  
Jessie: RENO! I wuv you!!  
  
Reno: Umm.SORRY GOTTA GO!  
  
Jessie can be seen running after sephiroth Vincent and Reno for no apparent reason.  
  
THE END 


	2. A Day In The Life Of Vincent

Chapter two: A Day In The Life Of Vincent ------------------------------------------------------  
  
Jessie: Hello again unworthy minions. *sigh*  
  
Jessie: I don't have anyone to do my disclaimer *cries*  
  
Then Cid comes out of the blue  
  
Cid: Geese can we find one moment when a brat isn't crying?  
  
Jessie: CID! Uncie cid!  
  
Jessie jumps on Cid as cid swears  
  
Cid: @!$%&-ing Kid get off me!  
  
Jessie: NUUU I want Uncie cid to do the disclaimer!!!  
  
Cid: I'M NOT YOUR #@!&%ing UNCLE!  
  
Jessie: YES YOU ARE! Now do the disclaimer! GO ON UNCIE CID, OR I"LL BE THE MOST ANNOYING THING YOU HAVE EVER HEARD!  
  
Cid: I've heard worse.  
  
Jessie: Reaaaly?  
  
Cid: Yep.  
  
Jessie: Reeeaaaaaly?  
  
Cid: Yes now shut up and get off me.  
  
Jessie: Reeeeeaaaaaaaly?  
  
Cid: What the #^%@ are you talking about kid?  
  
Jessie: REAAAAAALLY?  
  
Cid: SHUT THE #&$^% UP YOUR ANNOYING ME KID  
  
Jessie: RRRRREEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAALY!?!?  
  
Cid: ITS NOT WORKIING *Cid puts fingers in his ears *  
  
Jessie: Grrrrr! If you don't I'll show everyone this!  
  
Jessie holds up a photo of Cid making-out with yuffie  
  
Cid: ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! Jessie does not own Final fantasy 7 or any of the characters in it! NOW GIMMIE THAT!  
  
Jessie smiles and gives it to him cid rips it up into shreds  
  
Jessie: Remember I got tons of these.  
  
Cid: %^#@ You kid.  
  
Jessie: I love you too Uncie cid. ^_^  
  
Vincent: You should really leave cid alone..Along with the rest of us.  
  
Jessie: MY OTHER HUSBAND!  
  
Vincent sweatdrops and runs  
  
Jessie: Oh well. *she swings around cid's shoulders like a monkey *  
  
Cid: Get the $^#*& off me you brat!  
  
Jessie hugs cid and then runs  
  
Jessie: ENJOY THE FIC FOALKS!  
  
Cid can be seen trying to run after Jessie trying to strangle her  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
6:00,AM: Try to bash my way out of my coffin  
  
6:30,AM: Break open the coffin and brush my teeth  
  
7:00,AM: wash clothes and hop into the shower  
  
7:30,AM: Hop out of the shower and put on fresh clothes and brush hair and tie up hair  
  
8:00.AM: Eat KFC and watch the news while laying on the couch  
  
8:30,AM: Yawn and read the newspaper while slipping on a banana peel  
  
9:00,AM: After a half hour of slipping on a banana peel I iron out all the wrinkles on my suit.  
  
9:30,AM: Take a barrier ram up to the door that's blocking me from the outside.  
  
10:00,AM: Finally break my way out of my room and walk out thinking of how I can make everyone's life a living hell out of boredom today.  
  
10:30,AM: Break a few items in the mansion and yawn for half an hour  
  
11:00,AM: After yawning I walk outside to be ambushed by Yuffie waiting for me to come out.  
  
11:30,AM: After having Yuffie try to kiss/tackle/glomp me I meet the girls while shopping.(Tifa Aeris.umm..Does Nanaki count as a girl?)  
  
12:00,PM: After meeting the girls I have lunch at McDonalds with cloud after talking over the weapon magazine of the month and upgrading our weapons Cloud invites me to a party up at the gold saucer Then I get attacked by Yuffie again. Whoopee.  
  
12:30,PM: After throwing Yuffie in the insane asylum I go to get my fangs looked at and my cuts and stuff looked at by Aeris  
  
1:00,PM: After that I go and fix up my apartment walls because Barret had been there trying to shoot walls out of anger..And it seemed mine were the best to shoot.  
  
1:30,PM: After fixing everything I quickly take a shower to get the plaster off and then I come out and slip on another banana peel X.X  
  
2:00,PM: I try thinking if I should try to get back with my love...Sephiroth's Mom.HIS ACTUAL mom.in the waterfall.Again.(Jessie: Yep you guessed it.I can't remember the name XD) 2:30,PM: Think "NAH" then go eat pizza while watching fairly odd parents wishing to himself "I wish I had fairy god parents..then I could make those annoying people go away...Tifa cloud barret yuffie aeris.well not Nanaki he's pretty together And Sephiroth helps at some points.  
  
3:00,PM: Get sort of ready for the party and then slip on another banana peel while shaving  
  
3:30,PM: Take a trip up to my sister's house.  
  
4:00,PM: Have tea with her talking about how I've been in a coffin for about 9 years. And she goes on about her husband left her and I was made a shoulder to cry on.Just as long as I had my eggo waffles.LEGGO MY EGGO!!!  
  
4:30,PM: walk down to the gold saucer..  
  
5:00,PM: fight some bad guys along the way.Meet Guybrush Threepwood and Herman Toothrot wandering around there then I avert my eyes and continue walking  
  
5:30,PM: Finally get to the cart ride and ride up to the gold saucer.Slipping on a banana peel in there 5 times..( DON'T YOU SEE THE CONNECTION!?!)  
  
6:00,PM: Finally get up there.Ride the chocobo's..Then go play..KICK THE MIDGET! Then play FF11 and find a fishing midget and get into the rusty bucket INC. Then go play KICK THE MIDGET again and then sit down and wait for the people to meet him there.  
  
6:30,PM Wait a very loooong time for them to show up.  
  
6:31,PM: Everyone comes out of the walls yelling "HAPPY BIRTHDAY VINCENT!" then we all sat around eating food and cake then a half hour later we got to the presents..  
  
7:00,PM: We get to the presents, Yuffie comes out of the insane asylum.and gives mee.A pretty pink chocobo.."Gee thanks yuffie." I said with the look of utter disgust on my face. Then we get to Tifa's present...60 bottles of Good Vintage wine..I mutter a thanks to Tifa and then Aeris mutterd "I'll give you my present a little later." I stood there confused as Cid barret Cloud and Yuffie sang drunkly "Happy birthday to you! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOH! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR VINCENT! AND JENOVA TOO!" I shudder as Sephiroth came by and gave me 30 cases of beer.enough to kill anyone. I muttered a thanks very much to him and he muttered back "Just in case dude.."  
  
7:30,PM: I Pondered on what Aeris was going to do but I just walked away not thinking about it walking into my room in the hotel and then Aeris comes in with a drunken Tifa and then they lift off their clothes and we all have a pillow fights in our Underwear.then Barret Cid and Yuffie and nanaki join in for some reason.(NANAKI IS WEARING UNDERWEAR! *screams*~Jessie) And sephiroth is there too! Yay!  
  
6:00,AM: I wake up and see Aeris passed out Naked on me and wonder what happened and I see a poorly written note on my desk.. Reading it.  
  
Dear Vincent,  
  
"Thanks for the wonderful *wink wink nudge nudge*  
Well you know you wild beast you!  
  
Love T&A  
  
PS You were great in bed. Sorry if I passed out on you."  
  
I get myself a bit of coffee and eat pizza while reading the news and walking back to my coffin to go to sleep for another 9 years .then slips on a banana peel again for about 6 hours until Aeris finds him.tackles him.and marries him. And Me. The author. Cries forever and hits Aeris over the head with a sledge hammer. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Jessie: well that was the most crappyest one I ever did.  
  
Cid:Well its not that bad kiddo.  
  
Jessie: *sniffles* Reeeeaaaaly?  
  
Cid: It's the best thing since fried toast.  
  
Jessie: I never knew you can fry toast?  
  
Rufus: You can't unless you want a horrible McDonalds taste in your mouth.  
  
Jessie looks at Rufus then little hearts float above her in anime style then she runs over to Rufus and huggles him  
  
Rufus: What the hell?  
  
Jessie: MY LOVE..err.Hawk! ^____^  
  
Rufus: Wha? Huh? How?  
  
Jessie: Don't ask why! Its just fate!  
  
Rufus shrugs and Jessie squeals with glee  
  
Rufus: whatever..  
  
Jessie: Righty-o lets go get married!  
  
Rufus: Whatever.  
  
Jessie squeals with glee  
  
Jessie: Now that's what I like to hear! Lets go!  
  
Rufus and Jessie can be seen walking hand in hand..Well sorta.Rufus escapes in his helicopter after finding out what he almost did and The Author Jessie cries.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~THE END~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


End file.
